The first day after, he sobs because it feels like she’s died all over again. There’s an old hole inside ripped open and raw again that he knows from experience won’t ever be filled by anyone else, or heal completely. He curls up and won’t let anyone touch him, because he wants to remember the feel of her fingers in his hair and on his face.
The second day after, he sleeps and he dreams; he dreams of what was and what could have been and smiles and laughs and family, his own created family now one person stronger. He cries in his sleep, but he doesn’t realise it until he wakes up and the pillow is wet and his throat swollen.
The third day after, he thinks and wishes and mostly remembers. He wants. He’s alone. Avery comes in once to his own room, and it’s only for a change of clothes and he leaves with a glance and without a word. Jake thinks maybe Avery thought he was still asleep. He does fall back asleep, too lethargic to bother moving, and wonders why no one has stayed.
The fourth day after, he does move. Jack is the only one around and Jake learns that Avery has accompanied his mother and siblings into town for something or another. Jake nods and helps himself to juice and feels Jack’s curious eyes on his back. He turns around and Jack says your eyes are red and Jake can only nod, barely catching Jack whispering Avery’s eyes are red too.
The fifth day after, he goes looking for them. Avery won’t look at him and when Jake goes to Jack, Jack says don’t use him. Why did you use him? Us? and Jake doesn’t understand. Jack doesn’t follow him when he leaves and Jake retreats to his own borrowed room and closes the door. He cries because he wants to be held and it seems no one is there to hold him.
The sixth day is silent. Jake locks his door, angry and confused and alone. He misses her and misses him and them and doesn’t understand why everyone always leaves him when he needs them most.
The seventh day, Jake makes another move. It’s not just to go downstairs; he searches. He doesn’t want to be the one searching, he doesn’t want there to be searching at all, but he cannot stay alone forever and he’s afraid no one will come back. He finds Avery on the veranda in his favourite huge chair and doesn’t give him a chance to get away. Jake sits himself right in Avery’s lap, heedless of his size in comparison to the other boy’s, and says thank you. Avery asks what for, dejectedly and hesitant, and Jake’s answer is simple. Because I heard her tell me she loves me again, and it’s more than I had ever wished for. Silent again, he lays his head on Avery’s shoulder, and they cry together.