Jake woke up, eyes quickly focusing through the dark on the ceiling. He breathed in shakily, his heart beating hard for a reason he couldn’t remember. His clock shone a faint green 4:07 at him from the bedside table.
He had been waking up like this, sometime during the night, ever since he and Avery had started talking again. It could have been an obvious explanation – but he felt more frightened than anything else. Forgetting it for the time being, Jake rubbed his eyes ad turned onto his left side so he was facing the window.
He could feel sleep pulling at him, but he felt more and more awake each time he left his eyes closed. The window was dark, the moon having already set. Jake shivered the more aware of the dark he became, and as sleep slipped away from him thoughts of Avery replaced it. It made him feel slightly sick with embarrassment, because of the awkwardness to their conversations. What could you say, really, after abruptly not speaking for just over a year? I (tried to) moved on? I missed you? I’m sorry?
It was all right, for just a few minutes, to let his mind wander. Back to the nights Avery spent in bed with him, the two of them curled together under the covers for warmth. He wondered if they would ever be like that again, or if this crack would remain between them forever. Other boyfriends would come and go – or would the two of them be the ones to go? Would the crack widen until they both forgot? Jake remembered once he said to Avery (or had he dreamt it?) that they would be friends forever, and Avery softly agreed. Before Jake could think anymore about it, them, his chest and throat tightened. He curled up further and pressed his face into the pillow.
Life was so unfair. There would never be another Avery for him.
Jake carefully breathed in; eyes shut tightly and his hand tucked against the pillow near his cheek. He didn’t let himself hope anymore, because there was no use in hoping. There was no use in wishing either. A very small part of his mind wished anyway, dreaming Avery next to him in bed until he could feel the other boy’s warm breath on his lips. Jake pressed closer, his fingers curling around air, falling asleep again.